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cosmoker   

So I have started divorce proceedings with my wife. Now I have some what of a cigar collection. Roughly around 2000 cigars. I will be moving to another state for a job before the divorce decree. She did not want to move and I have been the sole bread winner for 5 years. She is saying I can not take them. So I wanted to ask anyone that has gone trough something like this what they have found to be the case. FYI she does not smoke cigars.  I understand that any reply does not constitute legal advice. 

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Randy956   

Take them.
She’s being vindictive so work out a deal. You won’t take the living room furniture or half of the kitchen stuff.
Pull the levers, man.

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Randy956   

Take ten at a time to a safe place like a friends house. Heck, mail them someplace at 20 a crack.

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Lotusguy   

My ex event wanted my airmiles.... prepare for a tough fight and get a good lawyer.

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IANAL and I'm located in Oklahoma but this is my experience.

Any property bought in the marriage is considered joint property.  Even if you're the sole financial contributor in the marriage.  So assets and property need to be split. When it comes to money the courts may, depending on state, have it be a straight 50/50 split or may take into account each persons contribution and divide accordingly. Talk to your lawyer for sure.

When I divorced my ex didn't say anything about my cigars (thank goodness).  It sounds like your soon-to-be-ex is more mindful about your cigars.  So it might be an item will have to be inventoried and have a value put on, and you could have to pay her for up to half the value of the cigars.  Or it could be offset by other property she gets (you give her a car worth $12k and you keep $12k worth of property to even it out).  Inventory doesn't have to be super detailed (cigar collection valued at $X, unless she throws a stink and then you may have to be more detailed.

Best advise I was given was to treat it like a business arrangement.  Separate from the emotional stuff as much as possible and it will be easier.  That's not to say she'll do that so it might still be rough.

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Ethernut   

Just wanted to send condolences to you. Divorce is an incredibly hard thing rife with irrational emotion while dripping with the scarlet desire to hurt one another. It’s hell. I’m so very sorry for you and her and hope you can find a peaceable arrangement. Been there..

I also am not a lawyer.. but she can’t really tell you you can’t take them. They aren’t a piece of furniture or essential to the function of the household or her quality of life and no different than a pile of screwdrivers to her (unless she’s a mechanic).. one equitable compromise may be that you record what they all are and their approximate truthful value for record (take photos) then provide to her. That way she can feel she maintains leverage and you get your cigars, court would see that as fair too. She won’t care for them and they’ll likely get ruined in her care which would reduce their value to zero.

If there is zero possibility of reconciliation..and I mean ZERO.. Truthfully, that same time you take the cigars I’d go ahead, rip the band-aid off and remove/record everything else that’s yours *within reason* or you’ll likely not see it for years while crap is hung up in court. She’ll change the locks at some point (if she’s the type to keep you from moving some cigars) and you’ll be stuck.  All said, I don’t know your situation so it of course is likely not that cut and dry. I didn’t even mention kids.. that’s compounds everything. Her not wanting to move doesn’t mean she’ll get to keep the house. Court will attempt to equalize your and her financial contribution and part of the equity in the House is yours emphatically. She’ll have to buy you out in some way to keep it... messy...

 

Best wishes to you both.. so sorry you have to go through this.

 

 

 

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Randy956   

Tell her you can’t come to an equitable property split so to be fair everything is up for auction. 50/50 split. Perhaps a very real threat like that will help her be reasonable. But, if you have $2K wrapped up, she is entitled to half.

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Avrus   

Yeah, you need a lawyer. Having gone through this before in another lifetime, she's being vindictive and it's only going to get worse. You need the lawyers to handle it for your own sanity. Best of luck.

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Get yourself a mean female lawyer that will go after her blood since your soon-to- be ex wife is the one pulling the plug.

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El Hoze   
1 hour ago, Lotusguy said:

My ex event wanted my airmiles...

Mine too! Luckily we were 26 at the time, the dog had just died, we were renting, and the value of my assets rounded to zero. 

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Buck14   

Target somethng that she wants...shoes, purses, watches, furniture, cars, etc. and demand half of that. This is all about leverage and pressure. Also a good attorney would help.

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Buck14   

I am going through this now, my longtime girlfriend (13 years) and I broke up two days ago. We are not married thank god. But she would never go after anything thats clearly mine (cigars) and neither would I to her (jewelry). There are a coup,e of things that we will fight over but I’m optimistic we can work it out. This sucks.

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1 hour ago, Avrus said:

Yeah, you need a lawyer. Having gone through this before in another lifetime, she's being vindictive and it's only going to get worse. You need the lawyers to handle it for your own sanity. Best of luck.

I echo this recommendation, and want to emphasize, DO NOT skimp on price!  Find a proven lawyer, pay more than you can afford, and buckle up, sorry.  :(

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and the winner(s) in all of this are the lawyers.I'm sure they will enjoy some if not all of your cigars

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How you respond is predicated on whether she's doing this for practical reasons or vindictive ones.  Practically your cigars are worth perhaps $10,000 or more.  If they're all Cubans then $10/stick if using mail-order pricing, or $50/stick if using foreign retail or Duty Free prices.  In any event, the collection is an item of real value; and so even an amicable divorce would include those in the assets.  At this point you can't use the argument that you "paid for everything."  That has no leverage in divorce.

There is no good reason why, pending the divorce proceedings, that one party over the other should get sole control of the marital assets.  You're out of luck in this case simply because a job is forcing your move.  However controlling the assets until final settlement gives her significant bargaining power if she's going to be vindictive about things

If things haven't gotten petulant, then perhaps the process of mutually going through a complete inventory of the house and assets would be useful to both of you and be an opportunity to open the conversation about preserving the value of your assets, not letting the attorneys take it all, etc.  

With regards to the cigars, is she capable of maintaining them?  If she's only interested in her half of their value, then she should willing accept a written inventory instead of physical cigars in her possession.  Once they leave the house, she still has your IOU for half their value; if she hangs on to them and dries them out then the value goes down.  If she insists on a professional valuation, that eats into the total value.  Hopefully you've got a receipt that shows the price for at least some of the boxes and the two of you can use that to estimate the total and she'll accept your IOU for half of that.

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Been there, done that 

put a value on the cigars and give her equal value of something she wants.......obviously don’t tell her the real value if you can help it

I had to sell 90% of my cigar collection and Scotty Cameron 009 putter to help pay toward lawyers but later on in life I was able to build my collection back up, I was much happier and life moves on....

Bart

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3 hours ago, cosmoker said:

So I have started divorce proceedings with my wife. Now I have some what of a cigar collection. Roughly around 2000 cigars. I will be moving to another state for a job before the divorce decree. She did not want to move and I have been the sole bread winner for 5 years. She is saying I can not take them. So I wanted to ask anyone that has gone trough something like this what they have found to be the case. FYI she does not smoke cigars.  I understand that any reply does not constitute legal advice. 

I'm sorry about the divorce my friend.  Well, maybe not the divorce itself, as most likely you will be better off after the dust settles than you would be sticking it out in something that isn't working.  But sorry indeed regarding the divorce proceedings, which will likely be emotionally trying.  I'm actually a lawyer, but I don't handle divorces.  PM if you want some quick and dirty FWIW advice--it's not sound practice to air confidential issues on a public forum.  Just as a brief outline, there are likely to be some interesting issues regarding the valuation of Cuban cigars in any type of court proceeding. 

 

11 minutes ago, Bartolomeo said:

Been there, done that 

put a value on the cigars and give her equal value of something she wants.......obviously don’t tell her the real value if you can help it

I had to sell 90% of my cigar collection and Scotty Cameron 009 putter to help pay toward lawyers but later on in life I was able to build my collection back up, I was much happier and life moves on....

Bart

This advice is pretty solid in general, as regardless of what happens, life moves forward and there will be bluer skies on the horizon. 

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cosmoker   

Thanks for all the replies guys. I have offered to got to mediation and split all assests like sell of house, 401k, IRA's, Bank. Even pay off the car that she uses and sign title over to her (it is in my name only). All I want are cigars and a few personal items that I had prior to her.  I do like the idea of - if she wants half of cigars then I want half of purses. That would stop her.

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rd151   
3 hours ago, UnofficialGhost said:

Best advise I was given was to treat it like a business arrangement.  Separate from the emotional stuff as much as possible and it will be easier.  That's not to say she'll do that so it might still be rough.

I was given the same advice! It helped me to get through some tough situations It was still hard walking away from 22 years, but looking at it from a practical viewpoint allowed me to remove emotion from decisions publicly and grieve privately!

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I'm sorry to hear about the situation.  This is not legal advice, but I do know some attorneys and some divorces and they all agree on this advise...

Respectfully talk to one another, compromise on the minutia, and settle the matter as soon as you can so you can get on with your freedom and life beyond.

Now, bear in mind that anything you acquire during matrimony, and pretty much anything you bring with you into the matrimonial home that was not excluded in a pre-marital or pre-nuptial agreement are all part of the matrimonial assets, so your cigars are just as much hers as her purses and jewelry are yours. Avoid engaging lawyers over assets you can easily replace, such as cars, appliances, jewelry, furnishings, cigars, etc. Try to avoid the lawyers all together if you can. Only turn to the lawyers for big important things, like custody of the kids, the amount and for how long you pay alimony. Believe me, my attorney friends charge from $300/hour and up so in just 6 or 7 hours of bickering you will spend more than your cigar collection is worth. 

My advise is you open up a spreadsheet, list all the items of value on it, with relative current value (over $500-$1000), and then calmly sit together and divide them up. If it was me, I would simply take a suitcase full of clothes and the financial investments such as the IRA & 401K. Everything else I can walk away from without a second thought, even the house, the cars, my cigars, etc - I know where I can get plenty more.  

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ElJavi76   

It's cheaper to keep 'er. 😂

I'm divorced once over and like some here didn't have two nickels to rub together back then. I only got broker as a result of the divorce. Had to defend myself against false battery charges in county court and then again in municipal court. I have two beautiful sons as a result of that union but the separation wasn't pretty. Now that I'm much more mature... It pays to take the high road. 

I wish you luck and hope you both end up in a better place. Cheers brother!

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2,000 cigars at $10 each is $20k.

Purely from a financial consideration, I can understand why she wants a piece... 

If she had $20,000 worth of make-up, wouldn't you want that to be accounted for in the divorce proceedings? 

Perhaps offer something in exchange of equal value (like a car)? 

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