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Everything posted by burntpowder

  1. On a flight from NY to LA a blonde gets out of her economy seat, walks up to first class and sits in the seat vacated by someone in the toilet. And the Crew, no matter what threats they use, can't get her to return to her seat. So after a couple of hours they advise the Captain. The Captain says "I've got this. My wife is blonde and I speak blonde." He walks over, whispers in her ear and she gets up and returns to her seat. The crew is amazed and asks what he threatened her with and he responded "nothing, I told her First Class isn't going to LA." Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk
  2. A man decided to go on a safari. He took his faithful dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long the dog discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dog thinks, “Oh boy, I’m in deep stuff now.” Then he notices some bones lying nearby on the ground and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, “That was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?” Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew”, says the leopard. “That was close. That dog nearly had me.” Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes. But the dog sees him heading off after the leopard and figures that something is amiss. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans about the dog’s ruse and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Hop on my back, monkey, and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine. “Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “Oh boy, it looks like I’ve really had it now.” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to the leopard and the monkey and pretends that he hasn’t seen them. And just when they get close enough to hear him, the dog says… “Where is that monkey? .. I sent him off an hour ago to get me another leopard and he’s still not back.” Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk
  3. Government loves government. Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk
  4. I'm jealous. Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk
  5. I have a Xikar table lighter that I love but also bring out this one out for guests. Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

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