Ken Gargett

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  1. if i was permitted to post, i would agree with you completely. i would also point out that Novak has been kicked out again and under the law, not allowed another visa for three years (there are exceptions and no doubt he will appeal). but as i am not permitted to post here, i'll say nothing.
  2. so you want to condemn these paragons of ???? to actually sit and have nothing to take selfies with for several hours? cruel and unusual. and what about the desolation that will inflict on all the stupids (now a noun, although they are not the only ones to blame for that) who follow them? their lives will have no meaning for like literally ummmm hours.
  3. my first reaction was that photo of ben and jerry's ice cream telling scomo what to do had to be either a fake or a piss take. or both. but then i guess probably not. a tub of ice cream giving advice to the government? why not. but seriously guys, we are humans. when, throughout all our history, did we ever do anything that made life easier when the alternative was the opportunity to make it more complicated? never happened. never will.
  4. if you are on your deathbed, you are not going to care. now, if you want to know what one would smoke, if say the world was about to end so you could actually enjoy it, that is different. perhaps a tang monarcha, i think i have one last 2002 SLR DC or one of Hamlet's best.
  5. a friend sent me this. Diokovic: You want answers? Lawyer: I want the truth. Djokovic: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has grand slams, and those slams have to be defended by men with racquets. Who's gonna do it? Stefanos? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the lost gen and you curse the big three. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that my medical exemption probably saved you from the servebots and clay court journeymen cluttering up the second week of slams. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, stops history from recording Taylor Fritz as a grand slam champion. You don't want the truth, because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that court. You need me on that court. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the golden era of tennis that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a racquet, and stand on the baseline. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to. Lawyer: Did you falsify your positive COVID test? Djokovic: I did what I had to do. Lawyer: Did you faisify your positive COVID test? Djokovic: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I DID.
  6. you'd think there could be no doubt but you are not the only team to have wonky selectors at times.
  7. one of the real gems on the forum. wonderful guy. such sad news. will sit down and enjoy a good cigar and an italian red in his honour. RIP.
  8. if anyone doubted the intense passions that still exist, even if the series has been decided, you only had to watch that last session today. incredible stuff. anyone says test cricket is dead or that there is such a thing as a dead rubber, has no idea. seeing our blokes on the field, riding every ball. seeing the poms on the sideline unable to watch, stokes pulling his shirt over his head because he couldn't take the tension. brilliant stuff. the poms saved the test. can't complain. we stuffed our declaration and whereas in the early games, we took every chance, but this one, we missed 3-4 in the first innings and missed several today. the runout that carey fumbled when bairstow was about 2, dropping stokes before lunch. take those and this game is long over. smith dropping bairstow as well. carey also dropped hameed but, and i even feel a bit sorry for him, you just know that it won't be long before you get another crack. given the success of bairstow and crawley and broad (even anderson last test), the english selectors would be the ausies' best friend. what a monumental stuff up. beyond comprehension. malan and root look like the pressure is finally telling. for us, if khawaja does not replace harris, might be a riot. but no guarantees. where did boland come from? extraordinary. carey started well but his form has really dropped off. dropped a number of chances, left others go, missed a crucial runout and the runs are not what anyone wanted. good to see green started to feel comfortable. still believe he could be a superstar for us. no allrounder has ever averaged 40 plus with the bat and under 30 with the ball. long way to go but he might. smith and marnus need some big scores in this last test. looking forward to it.
  9. sent to me by a friend. An Englishman's View of Australia! The following has been written by the late Douglas Adams of "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" fame. "Australia is a very confusing place, taking up a large amount of the bottom half of the planet. It is recognizable from orbit because of many unusual features, including what at first looks like an enormous bite taken out of its southern edge; a wall of sheer cliffs which plunge into the girting sea. Geologists assure us that this is simply an accident of geomorphology, but they still call it the "Great Australian Bight", proving that not only are they covering up a more frightening theory but they can't spell either. The first of the confusing things about Australia is the status of the place. Where other landmasses and sovereign lands are classified as continent, island or country, Australia is considered all three. Typically, it is unique in this. The second confusing thing about Australia is the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep. It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on the planet, Australia has 9 of them. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 9 most poisonous arachnids, Australia has all of them. Any visitors should be careful to check inside boots (before putting them on), under toilet seats (before sitting down) and generally everywhere else. A stick is very useful for this task. The last confusing thing about Australia is the inhabitants. A short history: Sometime around 40,000 years ago some people arrived in boats from the north. They ate all the available food, and a lot of them died. The ones who survived learned respect for the balance of nature, man's proper place in the scheme of things, and spiders. They settled in and spent a lot of the intervening time making up strange stories. They also discovered a stick that kept coming back. Then, around 200 years ago, Europeans arrived in boats from the north. More accurately, European convicts were sent, with a few deranged people in charge. They tried to plant their crops in autumn (failing to take account of the reversal of the seasons), ate all their food, and a lot of them died. About then the sheep arrived, and have been treasured ever since. It is interesting to note here that the Europeans always consider themselves vastly superior to any other race they encounter, since they can lie, cheat, steal and litigate (marks of a civilized culture they say), whereas all the Aboriginals can do is happily survive being left in the middle of a vast red-hot desert - equipped with a stick. Eventually, the new lot of people stopped being Europeans on 'extended holiday' and became Australians. The changes are subtle, but deep, caused by the mind-stretching expanses of nothingness and eerie quiet, where a person can sit perfectly still and look deep inside themselves to the core of their essence, their reasons for being, and the necessity of checking inside their boots every morning for fatal surprises. They also picked up the most finely tuned sense of irony in the world, and the Aboriginal gift for making up stories. Be warned. There is also the matter of the beaches. Australian beaches are simply the nicest and best in the world, although anyone actually venturing into the sea will have to contend with sharks, stinging jellyfish, stone-fish (a fish which sits on the bottom of the sea, pretends to be a rock and has venomous barbs sticking out of its back that will kill just from the pain) and surf-boarders. However, watching a beach sunset is worth the risk. As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst and wombats, you would expect Australians to be a sour lot. Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger. Faced with insurmountable odds and impossible problems, they smile disarmingly and look for a stick. Major engineering feats have been performed with sheets of corrugated iron, string and mud. Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence. They call the land "Oz" or "Godzone" (a verbal contraction of "God's Own Country"). The irritating thing about this is... they may be right. TIPS TO SURVIVING AUSTRALIA Don't ever put your hand down a hole for any reason - WHATSOEVER. The beer is stronger than you think, regardless of how strong you think it is. Always carry a stick. Air-conditioning is imperative. Do not attempt to use Australian slang unless you are a trained linguist and extremely good in a fist fight. Wear thick socks. Take good maps. Stopping to ask directions only works when there are people nearby If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you at all times, or you will die. And don't forget a stick. Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth that it is unwise to ignore. HOW TO IDENTIFY AUSTRALIANS They pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin". They think it makes perfect sense to decorate highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep. They think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place, that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga", but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy". Their hamburgers will contain beetroot. Apparently it's a must-have. How else do you get a stain on your shirt? They don't think it's summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle. They believe that all train timetables are works of fiction. And they all carry a stick.

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