Presidente Ken Update

[El Presidente]

Previous episodes available in the classics forum

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30 months into kens Cuba Presidency and the days of high ideals appear nothing but a distant memory. International financial markets have played Havoc with the local economy... which was skint previously and now...destitute. The only thing keeping the economy going is new treasurer "Hamlet's " covert launching of the fifth USD printing press....courtesy of Kim Jong-il.

VP Maximus Robusto has for some time fallen into a cavern of loose women, rum and cigars. Foreign affairs minister Lisa Goreta is now in reality "Minister for Everything" holding together the bare threads of government supported by the only man with a shred of decency and decorum, Jose Candia. Minister Smithy has headed off as Ambassador to Ireland, UK and any country not ending in stan or ia (his request).

President ken is in la la land. Incapable of handling day to day matters of state, he has regressed to a state of Rodney Dangerfield meets Bill Clinton. Ken now has a Cuban Fiance named Barbara. Yes....ken and Barby....first lady in waiting. Still waiting for the fridge he promised years ago when but a mere tourist to Cuba.... big on promises....low on cash.

Lisa calls an emergency 11am cabinet meeting. President ken is walks in singing "Born to Run", Maximus is on this side of drunk, Hamlet is wearing a US dollar print jacket, Smith is on speaker phone, Jose is shaking his head.

Lisa: I have called this meeting because I have had a F*****g gut full. I am on the first non Cubanair F*****g flight out of here. I resign!

Maximus: Honey, you can't resign, who will take phone calls from my wife?

Smithy (Speakerphone): !Go Girl Go !

Hamlet: Mother F******, where are you?

Smithy: I am with good friend Mugabi at the cricket. Zimbabwe V England. Should be over shortly.

Jose: Surely we can find better allies than Mugabe?

President ken: Give Robert my best! Remind him of the dinner with Hugo,Kim and Good Luck Jonathan in Paris next week!

Lisa: What have we become? What happened to the ideals? The spirit of rectification? The one with the people?

Maximus: Lise....we make Greece look like Chinese treasury.

Hamlet: Lisa...we are printing 50 million USD a day and it is our chief export

President ken I thought our ISimilarPhones were our chief export?

Hamlet: comes in right behind Illegal USD Currency and ISimilarpads.

Lisa: It can't go on gentlemen. That cow Hillary is calling me every day..whinging and whining about Bill at home and what we are doing here...IT NEVER ENDS!

Hamlet....did you really register VIAGROW?

Hamlet: resident ken gave me permission. President Ken has independently tested it for six months and swears by it.

President Ken Lisa.... it has kept my bowel movements regular.

Hamlet !WTF!

Maximus Lise, I have given this a lot of thought. What this country needs right now is three things:

1. A reality Chef show. "MasterJefeChefe"

2. A Car show "TopGeares"

3. A Presidential Wedding

Hamlet Maximus, Maytag are prepared to sponsor the wedding for 50 Million USD. I am waiting on a counter offer from Miele. Foxtel will telecast the event worldwide for the same amount. They only insist on the bride being given away by one of their stars. Vogue want to cover the wedding exclusively for the same amount subject to an interview with Barbara where she details why she fell for the promises of this gringo tourist in the first place. Of course now, our beloved, benevolent Presidente Ken.

President Ken I really like the idea of "MasterjefeChefe". On the whole wedding thingy......I am luke warm at best.

Hamlet There is $2m in a Swiss bank account for you.

President Ken Done!

Lisa You are all pathetic. Is this what we have become? Is it only Jose and I who feel the ideals of the Cuban People? Granted they have benefited from the reforms and the illegal cash...but what about real reform, getting in touch with the real people?

Hamlet How is your Cabana boy Raul going?

Jose Enough. None of us are blameless in our pursuit of perversion and the trappings of government.

Maximus Does Jose know about the chicken Ken?

Jose No! It is not about chicken fetishes or all night binges. It is about us as a cabinet re-engaging with people in Santiago, Mantazas, Las Tunas. Giving them hope and something to believe in.

Presidente Ken Well said Jose. I hope to one day visit those countries.

All in all it has been a good cabinet meeting. Lisa, your passport has been revoked and I promise to fix up that Cigar Czars outstanding bill from six years ago as soon as the ink dries on Hamlet USD notes.

The wedding is on! I will invite all my friends worldwide, Kim. Hugo, Goodluck, Mandela, even that cry baby Obama. Let us make this the Presidential wedding of the century!

To be continued: Presidential Wedding.

[Fuzz]

Can't wait for the next installment!

[Ben]

That cracked me up. Great stuff.

[OZCUBAN]

Sure beats daytime T.V

[skindiver]

El Che has to be pinwheeling in his grave in Santa Clara. Well, his bones, anyway!

[jquest63]

LOL! I love a good wedding!

[jackohalloran]

VIVA la Presidente!! lol!!

[skindiver]

VIVA la Presidente!! lol!!

I suspect Ken has been a bridesmaid previously.