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Thanks to mate Des

Report on Crow Kills

Well, this is not a pretty story.... about 200 dead crows near Hanna, and there was

concern for Avian Flu. They had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the

crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's

relief. However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact

with trucks, and only 2% were killed by a car. The Province then engaged an

Ornithological Behaviourist to determine the disproportionate percentages for

truck versus car kill.

The Ornithological Behaviourist determined the cause in short order. When crows

eat road kill, they always post a "look-out crow" in a nearby tree, to warn of

impending danger.

His conclusion was that the lookout crow would say "Cah", but he could not say "Twuck."

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I have one. So a guys on his way home after a long day in the office. 2 min from home he gets pulled over and he's thinking holy shite I don't need this right now. So the officer walks on over and says sir you were going a little fast. The guy says I know officer I just want to get home I'm tired and a long day at work plus I'm broke, I can't afford this ticket. Officer says ok fine ill ask a question you get it right and ill let you off. Hell yes officer, shoot! Officer goes, your driving at night and you see two headlights behind you, what is it? Guy goes oh that's easy as pie, it's a car! Officer says I know it's a car, but is it a Honda or a dodge? Guy says ahh that's impossible come on officer. Officer says alright last chance. Your driving at night and you see one headlight behind you, what is it? Gys says aha that's easy it's a motorcycle! Now I can go right? No no no I know it's a motorcycle, but is it a Suzuki or a Harley? Guys livid now wtf officer that's not fair. Officers chuckling Ashe hands the ticket over. Guy says hey officer I got a question for you. Officer laughs and says shoot! So your driving downtown late at night and you see this gorgeous broad with large breasts long legs and high heels hair all done etc, what is it? Officer says ha too easy, it's a prostitute! Guy says I know it's a prostitute, but is it your mother or your daughter!

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I have one. So a guys on his way home after a long day in the office. 2 min from home he gets pulled over and he's thinking holy shite I don't need this right now. So the officer walks on over and says sir you were going a little fast. The guy says I know officer I just want to get home I'm tired and a long day at work plus I'm broke, I can't afford this ticket. Officer says ok fine ill ask a question you get it right and ill let you off. Hell yes officer, shoot! Officer goes, your driving at night and you see two headlights behind you, what is it? Guy goes oh that's easy as pie, it's a car! Officer says I know it's a car, but is it a Honda or a dodge? Guy says ahh that's impossible come on officer. Officer says alright last chance. Your driving at night and you see one headlight behind you, what is it? Gys says aha that's easy it's a motorcycle! Now I can go right? No no no I know it's a motorcycle, but is it a Suzuki or a Harley? Guys livid now wtf officer that's not fair. Officers chuckling Ashe hands the ticket over. Guy says hey officer I got a question for you. Officer laughs and says shoot! So your driving downtown late at night and you see this gorgeous broad with large breasts long legs and high heels hair all done etc, what is it? Officer says ha too easy, it's a prostitute! Guy says I know it's a prostitute, but is it your mother or your daughter!

Haaaaa!!!

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A young man has lunch with the father of his girlfriend.

The young man says to the father. Sir I would like to ask for your daughters hand in marriage..

The father says. Son I would be proud to have you in the family but you should know that my daughter has acute angina.

The young man replys. I know sir and great knockers too.

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Ok i was emailed this one 10 years ago but Themistoklis joke triggered the memory:

Once upon a time there lived a king.

The king had a beautiful daughter,

The PRINCESS..

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what; Metal, Wood, Stone,

Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king,

'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth...

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest tempered steel. But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.

The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.

But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess,

'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red .

She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed, Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. !

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?

scroll down

scroll down a bit more....

M&M's of course.

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

What were you thinking??

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