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there was a very famous actress way back around the turn of the previous century who liked to bath in champagne (this is actually not a joke but supposedly true). she toured Australia doing the rounds. she was in a well known old gold mining town in central victoria, staying at the local hotel. instructions were sent to make certain that there were 100 bottles of champagne to be available for her bath. 

the publican was not happy at the thought of the waste of 100 bottles of good fizz and so, after the bath, decided to refill the bottles so he could sell them to the miners (who were unlikely to know if it was good, bad or indifferent).

sent a couple of members of staff in to refill when the actress was finished. to everyone's horror (but is it really that surprising?), the staff discovered that when they had finished refilling, they had 101 bottles. 

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Liquor salesman to the miners: Urine luck, fellas.  Buy 100 bottles and get the 101st for free. 

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1 hour ago, Ken Gargett said:

 

sent a couple of members of staff in to refill when the actress was finished. to everyone's horror (but is it really that surprising?), the staff discovered that when they had finished refilling, they had 101 bottles. 

Imagine the added horror if they had known that it wasn’t a supposed to be a rose but a blanc de blanc. 

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3 hours ago, Ken Gargett said:

there was a very famous actress way back around the turn of the previous century who liked to bath in champagne (this is actually not a joke but supposedly true). she toured Australia doing the rounds. she was in a well known old gold mining town in central victoria, staying at the local hotel. instructions were sent to make certain that there were 100 bottles of champagne to be available for her bath. 

the publican was not happy at the thought of the waste of 100 bottles of good fizz and so, after the bath, decided to refill the bottles so he could sell them to the miners (who were unlikely to know if it was good, bad or indifferent).

sent a couple of members of staff in to refill when the actress was finished. to everyone's horror (but is it really that surprising?), the staff discovered that when they had finished refilling, they had 101 bottles. 

I remember the story, but it wasn't an actress, it was an opera singer (with a bit of a notorious rep). She had expressed an interest in bathing in champagne, and the owner of Great Western organised it. 152 bottles went in, 153 bottles came out.

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while we are on tasteless humour - forgive the lowering of standards.

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot
The doctor comes   in and says,
"Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember,
but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll 
walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we 
couldn't find it" .   The man groans, but the doctor goes on,
"You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and 
we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work 
great but they don't come cheap.  It's roughly $1000 an inch."
The man perks up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want
. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this 
is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before
and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher
before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be 
disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes I have and she has helped me make a decision."
And what is your decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite benchtops."

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while we are on tasteless humour - forgive the lowering of standards.

 

No need to be forgiven....I have already set the bar low...

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