Why I never fly sober

[El Presidente]

Great article ..........and I am a disciple of the practice. 

I have had some cracking international flights but the most recent decent session was  8 hours with Ravi at A380 bar flying London to  .......can't remember. 

 

 

Tips for drinking alcohol on planes: Why I never fly sober

Annabel Fenwick Elliott

No-one should have to remain sober for the duration of a long-haul flight. Photo: iStock

 

As someone who never flies sober, here's how to drink on a plane without making a fool of yourself.

It has long been my staunch rule to never, ever fly sober. Not even on a brief hop, or at the crack of dawn. I am one of those people you see at an airport at 5am nursing at least one glass of dodgy cava before boarding. Once upon a time this was because I was a nervous flier (cava is easier to get hold of than valium). Today, it is a habit as ingrained into my frequent flight regime as putting a seat belt on when I get into the car.

Plenty of us non-sober flyers exist – air travel, bizarrely, is the only circumstance under which it is socially acceptable to drink before breakfast. Alcohol is prohibited on public transport, but there would be all-out mutiny if an airline took the same stance. It is a contextual quirk akin to it being fine for a woman to wear a bikini on the beach but not lacy lingerie, even though both show the same amount of skin.

Regardless, so long as you can consume booze for the purpose of flying without behaving like a twit, no-one bats an eyelid. Which is where UK Labour MP Charlotte Nichols went wrong this week on a British Airways flight to Gibraltar, according to UK Defence Secretary Ben Wallace, who, in a desperate bid to divert attention from the Conservative Party's sleaze scandal, complained over Nichols' "heavy drinking" (she was so hammered on board, apparently, that she required a wheelchair to get her to baggage reclaim) and that of her two inebriated companions, Scottish National Party MPs David Linden and Drew Hendry, who were also said to be "lairy" and "rude".

This is not a good look; certainly not as far as middle class voters are concerned. Getting trollied in public is, and has always been, best suited to the lower and upper echelons of society. Indeed, you will find alcohol closely woven into the culture of any activity that caters specifically for the rich (Pimms at the tennis, sundowners on safari, Champagne in business class) or for those in the trenches (sailors, football yobs, budget airline passengers). Labour politicians are supposed to hover somewhere in the middle, drinking tea and posing with the occasional pint.

In light of all this, my editor asked me yesterday for my 10 cents on how to drink alcohol on a plane without making a fool of oneself. I don't consider myself an authority on many topics, but, given I have flown drunk hundreds of times over my 15-year career as an adult – sometimes in business, mostly in economy – without once causing a scene, I should know. And it's not particularly complicated.

The very best way, of course, is to avoid booze altogether. This is what any smug, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed celebrity will tell you is their 'top flying tip'. Which is rubbish, of course. Their top tip, really, is that they always fly business class, where the wine is of superior quality and they can always sleep it off afterwards in a nice horizontal bed.

 

But no-one should have to remain sober for the duration of a long-haul flight, strapped bolt upright in the back of a plane, shoe-horned in amid a legion of snorers, farters and babies, I did, only once in my adult life – entirely by accident, many moons ago, from London to New York with an obscure Arab airline that observed the Islamic ban on alcohol – and I very highly do not recommend it.

So, you've committed to some in-flight anaesthesia. How many refills is it reasonable to ask for? That depends on whether you are a nice drunk or not. Does alcohol lead you to become giggly? Extra-amenable? Sleepy? Excellent, your flight will be better for it, and very probably for those around you.

 

Does it, on the other hand, unleash an alter-ego that gets irritable? Hostile? Lecherous? Or, like the aforementioned MPs, downright lairy? Then keep a lid on it for everyone's sake and get written-off, if you must, in the privacy of your hotel room later.

The other factor worth considering obviously (though many don't) is how good you are at masking your symptoms when squiffy. Being carted off the plane in a wheelchair is a reliable indicator that you have failed. I spoke to a flight attendant friend who told me about the "traffic light code" used to assess whether or not to keep serving a passenger more alcohol. Mellow and affable behaviour will put you into the green category; getting more loud and animated puts you in yellow (at which point staff will clock you and possibly offer you some water); and red means it's cut-off time. So regardless of how much you quaff, at least pretend to stay within green territory.

Finally, spare a thought for the cabin crew – who must deal endlessly with yellow and red offenders – and don't order a Bloody Mary in the morning when flying economy. According to former British Airways flight attendant Andy Sparrow, it's the most irritating drink to prepare.

"It was the order we dreaded," he once told London's Telegraph. "It takes an age to sort out all the trimmings, and it's infectious. As soon as one person asks for one, half the cabin fancy their own." Further proof that it takes very little persuasion for everyone to jump aboard the 37,000ft booze cruise, no matter the time of day.

Annabel's three-step plan for drinking on planes

What to drink

Red wine, on the basis that grim red is never as bad as grim white, and better for snoozing purposes. But be warned air travel temporarily changes your body chemistry and alters your taste buds. Wine can taste more acidic, but numerous studies have shown that Bloody Mary's taste much better at cruising altitude, when the sweetness is enhanced (although flight attendants will not thank you for ordering it).

What to eat

The vegetarian option, on the basis that dodgy vegetables are never as perilous as dodgy meat. Choose the pasta, eat the stale bread, the square-shaped sponge pudding and the cheese biscuits, as all that will help to line the stomach.

When to drink

Wet the whistle pre-boarding (calms the nerves and sets the tone), then get in your lion's share around mealtime before you nod off for the rest of your flight.

The Telegraph, London Annabel Fenwick Elliott  Nov 16 2021

 

[CaptainQuintero]

You've paid for that provided wheelchair, if anything you're losing money if you don't use it

[inter4alia]

I love to throw back a drink or several on just about any occasion whatsoever, but I almost never drink when I fly. Hits me the wrong way for some reason and makes me feel like crap. Don't worry about me though, I make up for lost time as soon as I land. 

[patrickamory]

I would never fly sober. 

Domestic flights in the USA are not serving alcohol in coach (and short-hauls not even in first sometimes).

This means: I don't fly.

[rjake100]

I recommend bringing a ziplock full of Baileys and Jameson mini bottles through security and hitting the coffee stand near the gate, and then post up somewhere to mix a hot one. Feel free to carry your Irish coffee on board, lid on. If you time it correctly you finish it as soon as beverage service starts.

@patrickamory, United is serving on domestic coach flights once again.

[Fuzz]

I prefer to stay sober when traveling with Rob.... the blackmail material makes up for it.

[Cayman17]

Southwest makes a mean Bloody Mary, so deal with it when I order it. 2nd place: Miller Lite - it just goes down smooth.  Maybe international flights are different, but I'm never ordering wine on a domestic US flight. You get garbage. 

[Habana Mike]

I believe it is always happy hour when you're traveling. Martini in the club preflight. Pop a bloody or mimosa before leaving the gate.

A couple glasses of red in the air.

Doesn't matter the time of day. Time is irrelevant when traveling....

Just avoid the wheelchair exit if you can.

[mprach024]

My reward status allows me to be in first most any flight.  I stick to beer, and I usually have many.  Usually it’s the flight attendants that are the pushers and not me requesting.  Still by flights end I’m usually feeling pretty warm and nice.  The only drawback to drinking large quantities of beer on the flight is, for me, I end up having to take a piss 4+ times on a 3 hour flight.  And inevitably once we begin descending I’ll have to go.  Which means by time we circle, lineup, land, taxi to the gate and finally deplane, I’m about to explode.  

[cigcars]

      **Considering how L-O-O-O-N-G the flight from the United States to Australia is, that might be the suggested way to go. As one stand-up comic said, "There are planets in our solar system closer to us than Australia!"

[ChangBang]

I have a bunch of club accesses so I'll show up to the airport 2 or 3 hours early just so I can hit them.  Get food and several drinks(had 9 at SFO centurion lounge couple weeks ago) and then proceed to pass out on my flight to wherever I'm going.  For the most part, I don't remember take off and usually am woken up by the plane landing.  Works out well since I usually have a uncomfortable seat in economy....

If I knew the wheelchair was an option, I'd let them take me from my plane seat to the baggage carousel!

[El Hoze]

Before Covid and having my three year old son I used to travel nonstop. My record on American Airlines in one year was 275 segments. I also drink alot of beer and when flying AA I generally only drink Bud Light. Bud Light in the Admirals Club, Bud Light on the plane…all free. I would often think to myself that there is more than a decent shot that I drink more free Budweiser than any other AA customer globally. 

[madandana]

You’re preaching to the choir brother. Dana, Hanna and I just popped out to San Diego for a few days in the sun. Introduced Hanna to pre breakfast drinking in the Delta lounge and loaded her up with free drinks vouchers for the flight. 
 

I got to try this Old fashion in a can. It was awesome.

[Cletus]

For those of you who subscribe to this plan....do you typically do so for nonstop flights only?  My worst flying nightmare was flying home from China in 2019.  37 hours in four legs where the first leg was delayed by five hours causing a domino effect on the remaining legs.  I couldn't imagine trying to keep a buzz for a marathon like that.  

[InCheTasteWeTrust]

1 hour ago, Cletus said:

For those of you who subscribe to this plan....do you typically do so for nonstop flights only?  My worst flying nightmare was flying home from China in 2019.  37 hours in four legs where the first leg was delayed by five hours causing a domino effect on the remaining legs.  I couldn't imagine trying to keep a buzz for a marathon like that.  

I keep a few Xanax in the pocket. In those cases, it's hard to adjust the time of the alcohol consumption. Get yourself a Xanax prescription and use it JUST for flights. Know the risks of such products and use them only when needed.

[HarveyBoulevard]

I always fly with a buzz. The co-pilot and my passengers don’t always appreciate it though…

[Habana Mike]

3 hours ago, Cletus said:

For those of you who subscribe to this plan....do you typically do so for nonstop flights only?  My worst flying nightmare was flying home from China in 2019.  37 hours in four legs where the first leg was delayed by five hours causing a domino effect on the remaining legs.  I couldn't imagine trying to keep a buzz for a marathon like that.  

That's exactly when you need to keep the bender rolling!

[Ej456]

Get me off the plane. I like the destination 

[williamthewolf]

On 8+ hour flights after a few little bottles of Johnny Walker in I'm lights out.  ✈️ 🥃 💤 More times than not when I wake up theres a little one waiting for me on my tray. Be nice to flight crew! 

[El Presidente]

3 hours ago, Habana Mike said:

That's exactly when you need to keep the bender rolling!

I am devotee of Andy Ryan 

.....Rob...it's only binge drinking if you stop

[Duxnutz]

Ugh kiddos. Ugh working the flight. UGH!

[CaptainQuintero]

11 hours ago, Cletus said:

For those of you who subscribe to this plan....do you typically do so for nonstop flights only?  My worst flying nightmare was flying home from China in 2019.  37 hours in four legs where the first leg was delayed by five hours causing a domino effect on the remaining legs.  I couldn't imagine trying to keep a buzz for a marathon like that.  

Just reading that made my legs ache

[HuffnPuffff]

A long time ago I had a much older colleague with a mentality from a bygone era. He was a functioning alcoholic with a huge amount of charm and chutzpah. Loved doing business behind the iron curtain, always had a bottle of whiskey in his briefcase etc etc.

We were on a flight to somewhere together and the stewardess wheeled her trolley down the aisle, doing her thing, and when she got to us she offered us a drink. John looked at her like she was stark raving mad and shouted at her “Don’t be ridiculous! I make it a personal rule never to have a drink before 7am Bombay time!!!”

Which clearly makes no sense whatsoever.

Sadly he went mad as a box of frogs. He liked parrots and ended up with 47 of them. He was also greatly saddened by the human suffering caused by the Balkans conflict and took in about 20 refugees to live with him (well, in his garden shed). What with all the parrots repeating everything he said and the refugees queuing up to use his shower every morning, it all got a little much for him.

I ought to raise a glass to toast him, but first I should check what time it is in India…


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[El Presidente]

8 hours ago, HuffnPuffff said:

Sadly he went mad as a box of frogs. He liked parrots and ended up with 47 of them. 

 

.......Di likes parrots.....I think she has 46