El Presidente Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Maximus Robusto walked the terrace of Club Havana gazing out over the Atlantic Ocean. Day 93 of the “ Gargett” presidency and what a ride it had been. It all started as a joke on the deck that Ken should run in the first free elections in Cuba in 55 years. With the ecomomic collapse of the failed regime the elections were overseen by the UN and IMF and pool of money was distributed to presidential candidates. Ken Nominated and signed the paperwork while singing “I’m in the money!” What a rollercoaster. Between scandals, assassinations and kens famous speech on the eve of election night “Free Fridges for ALL!” ....the first non Spanish speaking President of central or south America was elected. Maximus lit a Connie 3 and poured a glass of Santiago 11. He allowed himself a smile at “President Gargetts” decision to make club Havana the heart of the new Government. As the National Minister of Development Maximus had a meeting shortly with Kelner, Padron and Fuente. They and others had been lobbying hard for everything from the return of lands to the right to purchase tobacco. Imperial (now, our JV partners in HSA) were adamant that the cigar industry needed a period of stabilization and hence foreigners should be locked out. They all had fair points in the main but they missed the essential issue. Sky rocketing unemployment in the agricultural districts. If we are to keep a cap on crime in this country we need work and blue collar work at that. President Ken (PK) arrives shimmying on the terrace looking relaxed from his 11am Salsa Class PK “cha cha cha cha cha....Cha! cha cha cha cha cha....Cha!” MR ” Have you returned Chavez’s phone call yet?” PK “He is F##king impossible to deal with!” MR “ Whats the problem?” PK “How would I know! He just keeps babbling on in Spanish! MR “You are going to have learn the language Ken......you know that” PK “I AM FLUENT! .....did you hear my Sunday radio broadcast.....BRILLIANT!!!!” MR “ Ken.....seriously....”Hola Amigos & Adios Amigos” isn’t going to cut it much longer. PK “We still have Fridges?” MR “Yes” PK “ Then I’m Fine”. OK I’m off to check on El Laguito. MR “Again?’ PK “They are hanging a portrait of me on the wall smoking a Cohiba Double corona while holding a Glass of Santiago 40. It’s meant to inspire the workers” And with that he “cha cha cha’d” away. Clueless but much loved by the people. PK was about as far away from the despots of the past as the Cubans could get. Kelner Pardon & Fuente were very gracious, charming and intelligent men. They did not get everything they wanted but they got what was good for the Cuban people. Permission to each purchase land sufficient for up to 5 million cigars within 5 years. (to be renegotiated at that time) No exportation of tobacco. (Cubans to be only beneficiary, not rollers or others elsewhere). All tobacco must be processed, rolled, packaged in Cuba. (Maximum jobs for Cuba) No importation of Tobacco. Doing so will see your Cuban operations shut down immediately and seized by the state. (decision has been made that blending Cuban tobacco has no benefit for Cuba) No purchase of tobacco from other plantations for the first three years. (avoid a price explosion) 5% employee distribution plan. 5% of value of wholesale price of all cigars exported to be distributed on the 1st of February every year. (to put some wealth back into the regions). The meeting finished late on the terrace of Club Havana. The men were anxious to meet the new President who was due back any moment from the National Orchestra where he likes to conduct on Tuesdays. Minister for Everything, “Punch Joe” joins us. They all know Jose and they feel comfortable. I hand Jose the new LE Padron Jorge brought along and a glass of Caney. “cheers amigo” Ah....here comes Ken with a huge grin as he barley makes the last of the stairs. KG "whoooa......did we put more bloody stairs in. “Evening gentlemen!!!!! Put away those crap cigars for I bring before you the new “COHIBA SPRINGSTEEN SALOMONES!!!!!!!” God help us all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tigger Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 :rotfl: Would it be in poor taste to wish you got the flu more often Rob? Great stuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkz Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Great reading Prez! I can see that you got a little too much sparetime at the moment... I am shure that Ken would do a better job than most of the leaders around the globe. “Free Fridges for ALL!” is bloody brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jquest63 Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 LOL! No mention of Alcohol distribution or free fermentation classes for the masses! And what of decadent dancing girls and cheap pirated consumers goods for all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colt45 Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 An excellent read - I see you've been overdosing on the flu meds All points understood, and to clarify, I for one am not suggesting or expecting that anyone should be given free reign to come in from the outside and "take over" any segment of the industry. Having said that, I do think that there are a few "outsiders" who, if allowed to try things their way and using all Cuban tobacco, could produce cigars of outstanding quality (thinking construction-wise here). Blending for flavor is even more subjective and we'd have to see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laficion Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Just Fantastic Rob, I think that you should stay home with the flu and write the whole story, write the whole book. It will be a hit. LOL LOL For when part 2, we're waiting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rob Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Very good. Very good! Like Guy said, waiting for the next chapter.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
First Lady Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 You absolute nut I bet Ang doesn't know you are drinking Cuban Rum with the drugs.... or maybe she does Missing you twit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colt45 Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 "President" Gargett: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asmith Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I thought for sure PK would have run with a double salomones for the Choiba Sprinsteen? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormin691 Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 lmao... hysterical fellas... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoyopr Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Really well done Rob! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunburyist Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 and then you look at countries like Zimbabwe, Venezuela and North Korea and this doesn't look so bad. I'd vote for Ken... ...but with a strong suspicion that the power would go to his his head, and within 6 months he'd be decked out in full Field Marshall gear with more medals than buttons and the compulsory gold-rimmed ray bans.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asmith Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I have found the campaign shirts on the Czars Clothes Store - Free Fridges for ALL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
First Lady Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I have found the campaign shirts on the Czars Clothes Store - Free Fridges for ALL! They will be big seller for sure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Habanos2000 Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I have found the campaign shirts on the Czars Clothes Store - Free Fridges for ALL! I wouldn't mind seeing a "Ken Gargett for President of Cuba" version! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asmith Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I wouldn't mind seeing a "Ken Gargett for President of Cuba" version! Keep an eye out for that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dicko Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 pseudoephedrine and rum! great combo for a yarn! thanks rob, genius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeromeroselli Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 rob, this swine flu has really sparked a creative side that i think we are all enjoying. hahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zuma Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Sounds like PK & MR would be running the country like B1 and B2 (in Banana's in Pyjamas), turning Cuba into a real Banana Republic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Presidente Posted September 17, 2009 Author Share Posted September 17, 2009 All points understood, and to clarify, I for one am not suggesting or expecting that anyone should be given free reign to come in from the outsideand "take over" any segment of the industry. Having said that, I do think that there are a few "outsiders" who, if allowed to try things their way and using all Cuban tobacco, could produce cigars of outstanding quality (thinking construction-wise here). Blending for flavor is even more subjective and we'd have to see. I completely agree Colt and that was the solution which was come to in this "episode" Genetic enrichment of the talent/knowledge gene pool is required in Cuba. However I am quite sure that the large NC operators would rather just grow tobacco and then export it to their factories in Nicaragua or Dom. While it would dramatically reduce their cost of production......That is not good enough. If they want to play with Cuban tobacco then they make a commitment (longterm) to Cuba itself. Infrastructure, rollers, factories, warehousing. The longterm benefits to both sides will be enormous. I hope that in a generation there will no longer be "two sides" but "one side' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thechenman Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Great job Prez. Fantastic read. I would love to see said regime in charge of Cuba. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colt45 Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I hope that in a generation there will no longer be "two sides" but "one side' Cheers to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tigger Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Rob, my concern with what you propose is that there are a lot of good folks in The Dominican, Nicaragua, Honduras, etc who stand to be hurt by an all or nothing approach. As much as I dislike government intervention in economic/business matters, it would be reasonable during a time of transition for the Cuban industry to have some protection, but there are other folks with a significant stake in what happens when the embargo ends and freer markets reach Cuba. Imperial is in a strong position, for sure. Perhaps there's middle ground where companies who commit to a certain level of production in Cuba could ship a certain amount of leaf off of the island... Either way, I'm voting for Gargett. Chauncey Gardiner having passed, Ken's the closest we can come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punch Joe Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Smithy I want a dozen of those. But reading FREE AC 4 ALL. That´s a good one, a frickin´good one. More effective and the return on the investment could go skyrocket. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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